DISCLAIMER: This advice probably shouldn’t actually be followed, but you should read it anyway because it’s funny.
I’m really scared about going out because of all the shootings recently, how do I get over my irrational fear?
First of all, your fear is not irrational. There have been 273 mass shootings in 2017 so far. Now I know this fact might not help you get over your fear, but face it, fear is inevitable. And when we live in a country where a shooting happens nearly every day, it’s especially hard to get over that fear. Unfortunately, I can not help you from being scared, because I am scared too. We are all scared. Because evidently, having 273 mass shootings in a year is not enough for people to address the fact that guns are a frickin problem. So I guess all we can do now is quarantine ourselves in our homes and hope that gun violence will end itself without us doing anything about it at all.
I’m thinking about running for president one day, do you think I might have a chance?
Well, I have no idea who you are or what you are like, but it’s pretty obvious that it does not take much, so, sure kid. You can be president. Just make sure that you make it obvious that you hate people of color, disabled people, women, the LGBTQ community, poor people and pretty much everyone who has ever existed that is not a rich old white man. Then you’ll be a shoe-in.
What can I do to help Puerto Rico?
Wow, what a great question! You are already a step ahead of our president. Fortunately, we live in a day and age where you do not need to hop on the next flight in order to help. There are actually plenty of organizations where you can donate a few dollars online. A few of these organizations are Puerto Ricans in Action, Friends of Puerto Rico and the Food Bank of Puerto Rico, but there are much more! Keep in mind you have to make sure you do your research before just throwing your money out there, as there are many organizations that will not actually help in the way you think they will. It is so great that you are thinking about helping people in need. Just a few minutes out of your day and a few bucks from your pocket can do wonders
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