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Ask Aj About the Cold Weather

ask AJ an advice column* you probably shouldn't follow my advice

DISCLAIMER: This advice probably shouldn’t actually be followed, but you should read it anyway because it’s funny.

I left all my cold weather clothes at home, but it got cold so fast! What do I do?

One of the worst parts about going to school out of state is that you can only bring so much stuff. There will always be a time when you are left stranded without something you absolutely need and no way to get to it. Cold clothes are one of those things.

It is very strange how quickly it became cold this year. One day, it was 80 degrees and sunny. And the next day, 40 degrees and raining. It also happened to be the exact day fall started, which is very interesting. And also further proof that we live in a microscopic calculated simulation controlled by aliens.

Anyways, although I have made some good friends in college, my best friend by far is the thrift store. Obviously, you are not going to want to buy an entire new wardrobe of fall clothes, especially since you already have one. The thrift store is an easy, cheap option for clothes when you are in desperate need. Just buy a couple oversized sweaters and a pair of yoga pants and you’re honestly set until April. But if that doesn’t work out, just wait a couple days for it to be warm again. After all, this is Colorado.

How can I avoid wearing sweatpants every day while still staying warm?

I don’t see why you would want to avoid wearing sweatpants every day, to begin with.

I hate pumpkin spice, so naturally, fall is my least favorite season. How do I combat this?

Ah, yes. ‘Tis the season of the pumpkin spice plague. Everything from Starbucks drinks to condoms becomes pumpkin spice flavored. It’s everywhere. One moment you could be walking across campus when all of a sudden you are being harassed by a white girl in ugg boots with a PSL in her hand, telling you how incredible it is and how she’s just SO happy that it is fall again. It is disgusting. I completely understand.

Unfortunately, as plagues generally are, it is unavoidable. No matter what you do, everywhere you are, pumpkin spice will be looming around the corner. There are only two things that you can do to ensure that you do not also become infected:

  1. Buy a hazmat suit and never leave your home without it.
  2. Manually evolve to need hibernation, then hibernate throughout the fall and winter until pumpkin spice season is over.

I wish you the best of luck in your endeavors.

Have a question for Aj? Email her at askaj.collegeave@gmail.com.