DISCLAIMER: This advice probably shouldn’t actually be followed, but you should read it anyway because it’s funny.

How can I find a job or internship?

Luckily, there are many resources nowadays for people looking for a job. Back in the old days, when there was no internet, people literally had search for job listings. Like, who does that anymore? But since the technological revolution, we have been able to create websites such as craigslist, where I found one (of four) of my jobs, which has made job searching so much easier. When I was looking for a job, I went on 10 different job websites and applied for about 349 before I actually got an interview for one. I was lucky, considering most people have to apply for close to 1,000 before getting an interview.

Colorado State University also has great resources for students who are looking for jobs. On nearly every college’s website, there is a page dedicated to jobs and internships, most of which are right here on campus. However, make sure that when you’re looking on this page, you aren’t actually looking to get any money from your job. Nowadays, it is very common to see listings for “unpaid internships.” Where you do everything as if you had the job, except for free. Companies like to take advantage of broke and in-debt college students in need of experience for their resumes.

Now, although this might sound awful, and probably illegal, don’t worry. It is totally legal in the United States for companies to take advantage of people like this. Once in a blue moon, you’ll find a paid internship.

The least effective way to find a job, in my opinion, is to just print out a bunch of copies of your resume and hand them out to employees at any restaurant or store within a 25-mile radius. Make sure there are tear stains on your resume for extra pity points, and it will help you out to get on your hands and knees and beg until they hire you on the spot. Because let’s be honest, if you don’t beg, they’ll probably just give you a nice smile and throw your resume in the trash the second you leave.

Also, make sure you keep in mind that you need at least 3 part-time jobs to survive in our destroyed economy!

I have 2 jobs and I still don’t get enough money for rent…how do I fix that?

Step 1: Acquire a time machine.

Step 2: Go back in time and keep the baby boomers from destroying our economy.

I want a job but I don’t want to do something that is dumb and uninteresting. How do I find a job that really interests me?

Try focusing on actually finding any job first. Then we’ll talk.

Have a question for AJ? Email her at askaj.collegeave@gmail.com.