DISCLAIMER: This advice probably shouldn’t actually be followed, but you should read it anyway because it’s funny.

How do I stay motivated when I literally don’t want to do anything?

This is a really good question, I struggle with motivation quite often as well. I like to reward myself after I do a certain amount of work. For example, I will reward myself by smoking a bowl after writing the title of my essay. It seems to work pretty well.

I have a crush on my professor, and it makes it really hard to concentrate in class. I feel like a creep but I can’t help it, what do I do?

Honestly, don’t even feel bad about it, this happens all the time. Some of these professors are stunning out here, it’s not your fault. But it’s definitely inappropriate to try and make a move, so you should NOT try that.

If it were me, I would just bury my feelings underneath all my other inner problems that I refuse to deal with. But if you are actually an emotionally healthy person and you can’t do that, then I would suggest trying to get into a different class. Even though it’s pretty late in the semester, it wouldn’t hurt to try. If you can’t do that, skip class and get the notes online or from a friend. Nothing works better than just running away from your problems until they don’t exist anymore!

I am in high school and I’m going to college next year, I’m really scared I’m not going to be motivated enough during school. What do you suggest?

Don’t do it. It’s a trap. Travel the world instead.

It’s already the middle of the semester and I’m failing 7 classes even though I’m only taking 4. Please help.

While Colorado State University has many resources to help you succeed in your education, would you really be a college student if you didn’t constantly procrastinate and do nothing about your problems until the very last minute?

Correct answer: no, you wouldn’t!

Since it’s only the middle of the semester, you really don’t need to worry about your problems until two or three weeks before finals. Then, I would suggest doing as much BS extra credit as possible. Also using all the money that you don’t actually have to buy your professors coffee until they give you a C- isn’t a terrible idea either. Failing 7/4 classes is mathematically impossible, so you should probably double check your schedule. No wonder why you’re failing.

I have 5 tests this week and I’m really overwhelmed. How do I study for all of them?

Find a vampire and convince them to turn you into one too. Though it will be a painful and lengthy transition, afterwards, you won’t be able to sleep anymore and your brain will operate at 100 times the speed as that of a normal human. This means you should be set to ace all of your tests. Plus you’ll be young and hot forever and you’ll sparkle in the sun. Score.

If you need some advice, or just want a good laugh, email your question to: annajanella@aol.com.