One of my favorite things to do while I’m high is drink and eat, but a close second is watching movies. I could’ve watched any kind of movie- horror, comedy, romance- but I landed on my least favorite childhood movie, the live-action Alice in Wonderland.
A lot of thought was put into this decision. As a child, this movie terrified me, I couldn’t quite put my finger on why. Since re-watching it, I can conclude my fear was probably due to the oddity of the language, costumes, makeup, and strange setting.
It was decided, I was going to overcome my childhood fear of Alice in Wonderland while being in an unnaturally paranoid state of mind. Watching this movie while high was a shot in the dark; it could’ve either been one of the worst movie-watching experiences I’ve ever had or something entirely unexpected.
On top of being paranoid and high, I was home alone for the night, a volatile mixture. I grabbed my Trader Joe’s cheese puffs and Takis and found a comfy spot on my couch.
As soon as the introduction song rang in my ears, I knew I had made the right movie choice. I felt like I had levitated off my couch and was transported to my childhood home, happily content with my fingers covered in Red 40 dust.
Right away I noticed I wasn’t as scared as I remembered being as a kid. Instead of focusing on the eerie, strange parts of the movie, my mind turned them into something funny. I was cracking jokes to myself, which made the movie much more entertaining.
At first, I noticed Alice was being forced to marry the ugliest man I’ve ever laid eyes on, that was enough for me to understand why she stayed in Wonderland as long as she did.
The characters picking on the old, single, senile aunt because she’s unmarried made me furious. A woman can’t be single without being the butt of a joke? Come on Disney, if I can pick up on this while high, so can you.
On a less serious note, is Wonderland tiny because Alice had to shrink herself? And why are all the characters so mean to her? At this point the movie was becoming hard to watch because of how irritated I was with the tiny mouse with the naggy voice running around with a sword, tormenting Alice.
Playing cards were running around and could talk, along with the horses, dogs, rabbits, and frogs. Alice was changing sizes throughout the movie; at one point she was smaller than the dog. But was the dog a giant, or was Alice small? No clue.
I was still elbow-deep in my cheese puff bag when the Mad Hatter’s character arc started unfolding. That’s when I realized I wasn’t scared of the movie; I was just scared of him. Something is unsettling about how he can go from being so cheerful to suddenly angry, deepening his voice and becoming someone entirely different.
I realized way too late into the movie that Wonderland is actually called Underland, which makes a lot of sense because Alice had to fall into a hole in the ground to get there. I didn’t realize, too, that the Queen of Hearts had a sister who she was fighting with for power over Underland.
There’s a slight discrepancy in the title of the movie since it’s Underland and not Wonderland, which makes the movie much more confusing. Question for Disney: Is the movie about Alice at all, or is it really about what can happen if a sister feud lasts for too long?
Later in the movie, I entirely zoned out and moved my attention to Instagram Reels, there was no turning back. My consensus: Maybe don’t watch movies while you’re high, or if you do, just don’t watch Alice in Wonderland.
